


Scars Remind Us

by orphan_account



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-20 08:10:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2421464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where every person you've ever loved stays a mark on your skin, will Roxas, a social recluse with very few loves and Axel, the sarcastic playboy who falls too easily be able to find themselves and each other amidst the chaos of high school life?<br/>Currently rewriting! New version of chapter 2 is up!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. RE: You Look So Pretty, But You're Gone So Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title comes from "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy.  
> I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Clearly.  
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you like the story it is very appreciated.

The desolate halls always seem to stretch on forever, never ending and slowly closing in, encasing you in a suffocating concrete prison, high windows the only source of light or air. I walk with my head hung low, averting the curious gazes of the bleached and tanned student body as they make a vain attempt at figuring out who I am. I pull the sleeves of my hoodie lower over my hands, balling them into fists to hold the soft material in place. I look up briefly to determine where it is that I’m headed and see a group of girls fawning over one of the girls arm, a thick black tally mark, looking as though it has been tattooed on display in the soft crease of the girls elbow, I shake my head at the poor girl as she’s interrogated by the others.

 

Those damn tally marks will be the death of us all one day. No one really knows why and no one really knows how but for some reason whenever we fall in love with someone we get a new one somewhere on our bodies, at first they appear as a burning red but eventually if the love is requited they become a stark black, looking like a tattoo. But the most painful thing to see is when someone’s tally mark looks more like an old surgical scar, like they dug into it to remove it. The scars only happen when the person you love has died.

 

I reach the small administration office of the school building without much fuss and lean over the high counter to look at the short, round woman seated in the chair below. She looks up at me from behind ugly, brown horn rimmed glasses,   
“What do you need?” The woman drones in a scratchy voice, the voice of someone whose throat has been rubbed raw from smoking too many cigarettes a day. I clear my throat before quickly speaking,

“Ineedmyscheduleplease” she stares at me incredulously and lowers her glasses,  
“come again?” she grates out and i take a deep breath, nodding to myself as I raise my voice,

“I need my schedule please” she looks at me pointedly, a silent question forming in her judgement clouded eyes, “my name’s Roxas; Roxas Strife” the woman just nods slightly in approval and begins rifling through a stack of papers beside her,   
“Here, there’s your schedule and locker number.” I nod and open my mouth to thank her but she simply turns back to her computer with a bored expression so I see myself out.

 

School has always been a seemingly uneventful experience for me, seeing as this is the third school that I’ve attended in as many years the routine of being pestered all day by preps trying to make a new friend and make sure i “feel comfortable” can promptly go fuck themselves. If there’s something I’m not in the mood for, it’s pushy kids that want to talk to me about their stupid lives.

 

I make my way along the hall, following twists and turns as I read signs telling me the 200s are that way. I feel like Alice following the white rabbit as I make my way along carefully glancing between the paper in my hand and the numbers above the doorways. 201 stares out at me and I feel my throat clench as I reach for the handle on the door.

 

The room I enter is too bright. The sheer amount of white glaring at me, flourescent light reflecting off of benchtops and desks. The lab I’ve entered is almost too sterile, the smell of bleach still fresh. The smile of the middle aged woman in front of the class is blinding also, perfect, straight pearly whites showing under thin, pale lips.

“Hi there, you must be Roxas, I’m Miss Farron. Please, take a seat.” I nod minutely as I take in the woman’s appearance. She doesn’t dress like any other chemistry teacher I’ve ever known, from the thin tendrils of pastel pink hair flowing over her left shoulder to the currant coloured sleeveless turtle neck and brown skirt.

 

The rest of the class begins to file in deftly as I remain seated, idly plucking at my fingernails. The class gets underway in a fashion that is much smoother than what I’m used to as the class immediately sits and listens to miss Farron. She must be a pretty hard teacher to keep a class this quiet in the morning. My brain turns to autopilot as I take notes on the Haber Process and just what it was that Fritz Haber accomplished. The lesson seems to drag on forever, my brain not used to a school with one hour periods. Finally the sweet relief of the bell resounding throughout the school arrives and I hastily pack my things away, checking my schedule before heading out the door and releasing my next class is right across the hall.

 

The next room I enter isn’t as glaringly sterile as the last, if anything it feels more comfortable, more inviting. The teacher hasn’t arrived but a handful of students are already seated, talking amongst themselves, so I take my seat towards the back corner of the room. I wait patiently as more and more students enter the room but still more teacher. Eventually a tall man with shaggy, shoulder length brown hair enters the room. He too isn’t dressed like any teacher I’ve ever seen, from the fur lined black leather jacket to the motorcycle boots, I never would have picked him. He nods his head slightly in acknowledgement of the class before going straight to the white board and writing Trigonometry in large black letters before writing the formula for the cosine rule. I feel a sharp intake of breath when the man turns back around, a large, jagged scar runs from above his right eye to just below his left.   
“Turn to chapter 5, I want you to do every second question, any concerns and you know the drill.” The man commanded to the class, all of whom got to work immediately. I too followed suit, opening my textbook and binder folder and setting to work. “You must be Roxas.” The voice beside me is so low it barely registers in my ears and when I turn I nearly jump from how close the intimidating man is to my side. He chuckles at my reaction, “I’m Mr Leonhart, and calm down kid, I’m not that scary. If you need a hand give a yell.” I nod in silence, turning back to my work as he walks over to a boy with spiky brown hair that’s swinging on his chair with his hand in the air.

 

Math felt shorter than Chemistry for some reason and I found myself reluctant to tear myself from the work before me.  
“Anything you didn’t get done this lesson is homework.” Mr Leonhart hollers as students race out of the classroom, flooding the halls. I make my way to where I was told this morning, searching along the rows. Finally I reach it 813, I glance at the code scrawled on the top of my class schedule before turning the dial. Hearing the merciful click of the lock I dump my belongings and follow the signs marked Cafeteria.

 

I sit myself down in a quiet corner of the cafeteria, sipping at the juice carton in front of me and staring out the window. I jolt with a start when I hear the metal bench beneath me creak under the weight of another body joining me, I turn to the person, a “fuck off” already on the tip of my tongue. The words die off when I take in the sight of the boy sitting beside me, he’s pale, but not deathly so, just the “yeah I live in a cold ass city and don’t go out much” kind of pale. He stretched his lanky frame before me and I notice how tall he is, he’s gotta be at least 6’3”. Lastly I notice his eyes, they’re slanted and almost cat like, they’re colour is something I cannot recall the name of but they remind me of poison for some reason. This boy is poison. Lastly I notice his arms, he may be thin and kinda lanky, but boy has he got muscle, the thick cords wrapped around his arms flex a little as he watches me stare at the marks all up and down his arms, some red, some black, mostly black.

  
“You just gonna stare all day, kid?” He asks, a hint of a smirk in his voice so I turn to look up at him, a witty retort dying as I notice a sadness in his eyes over what I was just doing. I was no better than those girls in the hallway.

“Sorry.” I mumble under my breath and he chuckles, pulling me closer to him and smiling down at me,  
“mind speaking up a bit kid? I’m either hard of hearing or your voice is way too soft.” This time it’s my turn to laugh and I raise my voice a little,   
“I’m sorry about that.” He smirks at me and I feel my heart leap a little in my chest,  
“Well, sorry-about-that, my name’s Axel, bit of a weird name you’ve got there.” He smiles down at me with a cheeky little grin, the sadness in his eyes replaced by a form of excitement.  
“My name’s Roxas, nice to meet you, Axel.” He laughs and the arm he still has wrapped around my shoulders pulls me even closer to him until the tip of my nose is just touching his chest.   
“Sorry Roxas, but you are too cute.” I feel the heat flaring beneath my cheeks and I push him away from me in a rather pathetic and somewhat reluctant attempt to pry myself away from him, I don’t even know him for God’s sake?!

 

As if sensing my discomfort Axel lets go of me, instead leaning down so that we’re at eye level, man being short sucks. “You okay Roxas?” I nod silently at him, not sure I trust my voice but this seems to have an even worse effect as he lets out an exasperated sigh, his head drooping down, “sorry Roxas, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.” I look at him curiously, he didn’t have to apologise.  
“N-no, it’s nothing you did, I’m just not too good with being touched.” His head lifts the same way a dog’s ears would prick up at the mention of a walk and he looks me dead in the eye, relief evident all over his face and I smile at him,  
“you mean that? I didn’t freak you out or anything?” I just nod along with him as that cheeky smile makes its way back to his lips.

 

I smile at him as he opens his mouth to speak, only to close it again as if lost in thought, “say, what year are you in?” I sigh, of course, he must’ve thought I was an underclassman and felt sorry for me,  
“I’m a senior, finally.” He looks at me as though I’ve grown two heads, looking my frame up and down. I can understand why he would think I’m lying, I just scrape by at a measly 5’ and he stands there a towering giant. Not to mention that the unruly blonde spikes on top of my head that defy gravity don’t do anything to help the situation. I curl in on myself a little bit, suddenly feeling unusually self-conscious in his presence.

  
“Wow,” he finally breathes out and I look at him, “sorry Roxy, I just wasn’t expecting you to be the same age as me is all.” I turn to face him,  
“what did you just call me?” I ask, my face flushing red, “Roxy” sounds like the name my grandma would give to her cat.  
“It’s a cute nickname Roxy, I thought you should have one.” I sigh as he looks at me like he’s so proud of himself for coming up with it, I stay silent, conceding to his giving me a nickname,  
“whatever firecrotch,” I retort. Referencing the unruly crimson spikes spilling out from a tie at the nape of the boy’s neck. He laughs so hard that I think he’s going to choke as he gasps for air between fits of hysterical laughter, “what?” I ask and just look at him, he looks straight back at me.

“You have no idea of just how accurate that nickname is, Roxy.” I feel my face flush again and I turn away from him, thankfully it is at that moment that the dull droning of the warning bell decides to ring out throughout the cafeteria. I move to get up, but Axel grabs my arm, “wait, what class do you have?” I smile at the boy and remove his hand from my wrist, “none with you firecrotch, trust me.”  
  
I walk away from the boy and back toward my locker. I begin putting in the combination for the heavy steel lock when I feel a familiar, burning sting on my arm. A ‘no’ forming on but not escaping my lips as I hastily raise the sleeve that is covering my right arm. I stare incredulously and grit my teeth with the shock waves that run through my body as an angry red line begins to form, rising to the surface like an image within water. There it lays, perfectly nestled between two thick, ugly scars. I turn and open the heavy door of my locker as a single tear rolls down my cheek, not again.

 

I slowly make my way back towards where my first class was. Feeling less like being here than I did this morning. I make my way back into room 201, almost doing a doubletake as I stare at the teacher writing on the board. Same pink hair, same stature, different outfit.  
“M-miss Farron?” I stammer out at the woman before me. As she turns I take in what she’s now wearing, a white sleeveless button down with a pink plaid skirt.  
“Hi, you must be the new student, Roxas right?” She beams at me as I nod dumbly in response,  
“we met this morning Miss, in chemistry.” I reply meekly, not wanting to upset the woman. She laughs lightly behind her hand, smiling at me even wider,  
“I don’t teach chemistry sweetie, that was my sister Claire.” I stare stupidly at her as she continues to laugh behind her hand, “it’s okay, you’re not the first student to think we’re the same person.”

“I’m so sorry,” I blurt out as she continues to laugh, I stare down at my feet in embarrassment, great first impression there Roxas.  
“Why don’t you take a seat?” I nod before returning to my seat from earlier that day, shaking my head to try and clear it.

 

I can’t help but stare absentmindedly as miss Farron begins the lesson. My right arm still tingling from the formation of the mark. I place my hand over it, rubbing soothing circles. I don’t know why he affected me so quickly, I know that he shouldn’t have. And yet he still did. I jot down random notes from the presentation on the board, thankfully, chromosomes is a topic I’ve already covered. I don’t think I’d be too good for learning new material right about now. The bell rings mercifully, calling us to our next classes. Miss Farron smiles at me on my way out and I try to smile back as best I can.

 

Reaching my next class isn’t as easy as it sounds. One would assume the 300s classrooms would be next to the 200s, correct? Well not in this school. I continue to follow signs for what feels like an eternity, searching around for if I’ve missed my class. I find myself on the other side of the school, staring at room 319. I reach for the door handle and find that it’s stuck. I push on the door until finally it gives, with me stumbling in after it. I flush as I feel the entire class stare at me as I close the door and try to act as though that didn’t just happen. A kind looking woman who would only be fresh out of university looks over her shoulder at me, her light brown hair pulled back in a braid that’s secured with a pink bow to match her floor length dress.   
“I’m so sorry I’m late, I wasn’t sure-”  
“It’s okay Roxas,” she cuts me off, smiling kindly at me before gesturing to a seat towards the back of the classroom. “Okay guys, we’re going to continue our work on Islam this lesson, beginning with researching the difference between Halal and Haraam and how we would find out whether something is Halal or Haraam.” She states sweetly as the class begins to pull out their thick text books and talk quietly amongst themselves. She makes her way over to me just as I find the chapter on Islam in my own tome. “I didn’t get to introduce myself earlier, I’m Miss Gainsborough.” She states, continuing to smile at me, “now, is this your first time taking a religion course?” She queries and I nod my head, trying to scan the page of information without seeming as though I’m ignoring her, “well, if you feel you’re having trouble or need anything clarified I’m just up the front okay?” I nod at her once more as she turns, returning to her desk at the front of the room.

 

Studies of Religion flies by as I find myself enthralled in the customs of the unfamiliar religion of Islam. Forgetting, if only for a moment, about myself and my own feelings as I continue to read. The bell rings once more and I reluctantly gather my things before making my way back down the winding hallways towards my locker. I find myself back at the same lunch table in the cafeteria and hope for a moment that Axel might come back before shaking the thought from my head. I pick at the ham and cheese sandwich before me, pulling bits of bread away in small pieces before placing them back on the tray.

 

“There he is!” I hear a loud voice boom from behind me as the table is jostled by the weight of more bodies piling onto it. I feel the weight of an arm drape itself over my shoulder and look to see Axel sitting to my left. I glance at the other new occupants of the table, a boy with sandy blonde hair that looks like a cross between a mullet and a mohawk. Another boy not much taller than me with dark bluish grey hair that hangs over his right eye. And a girl with yellow blonde hair that’s slicked back behind her ears with two pieces sticking up slightly, almost like some kind of antennae. “How was class Roxy?” Axel asks as the others begin to eat,  
“alright, I suppose, yourself?” I ask and Axel throws his head back in laughter at my response,   
“wow, could you get any more formal there?” he laughs as the blonde boy and girl join in, the bluenette remaining silent as he picks at his food. “It’s okay Roxy, I forgive you,” Axel answers once the laughter dies, “and school is pretty much just school.” I nod silently at Axel’s answer, I hadn’t meant to sound formal, I was just trying to be polite. “Anyway,” Axel continues, “these losers are Demyx,” the boy with the sandy hair nods and smiles at me as Axel says his name, “Zexion,” the bluenette nods slightly in acknowledgement and I nod back. “And this crazy bitch, is Larxene.” Axel finishes as the girl makes the gesture of slitting Axel’s throat from beside him.   
“Hi, I’m Roxas.” I reply, a slight smile on my lips, they all seem okay, and at least they’re not sugar sweet tell me your life story kind of people.   
  
Lunch continues on in relative silence for which I am grateful. I continue to pick at my food, nibbling on my sandwich every once in a while before going back to picking. Everyone seems quite comfortable in the silence as they go about their meals, in turn making me feel just slightly more comfortable. The warning bell to signal the end of the lunch break resounds throughout the room. I pick up my tray, dumping what’s left of my lunch in the trash before heading off to collect my things.

 

Making my way to the 300s is easier this time, now that I know the relative location. I step into room 307 only to find an all too familiar site sitting behind the desk at the very front of the room.  
“Zack?” I ask I step into the room, the dark haired man looks up at me and smiles from beneath half moon glasses, standing and smoothing out his button down shirt before embracing me.  
“Long time no see Rox, how’s Cloud?” I smile at the familiar question and embrace of my brother’s best friend,  
“he’s great Zack, got a job at a mechanic’s garage downtown. What about you though? I didn’t know you taught here.” I remark as Zack smiles down at me,   
“well, I’ve gotta pay the bills somehow.” We both laugh at that as another student makes their way into the room and Zack gestures for me to take a seat before more and more students begin to pile in, continuing discussions from the lunch break.

 

My heart sinks to the floor as I see a shock of bright red hair enter the room. I try to keep my head down as Axel makes his way further and further into the room, taking a seat just behind me.   
“Pst,” I hear behind me, “Roxy, hey, I didn’t know you took advanced english.” Axel remarks as I turn towards him slightly, bringing my index finger to my lips. I stare at the clock for most of the lesson as Zack talks excitedly about Shakespeare and how much fun we’re going to have reading King Henry IV Part 1. I, for the life of me, cannot fathom what Zack thinks is so exciting but I figure I’ll let him be. As the clock ticks over to twenty past three I feel myself getting giddy. At the sound of the bell I launch myself out of my seat, half sprinting towards my locker. A faint,  
“Roxas, wait!” Can be heard behind me, but I find that I don’t even care. All I know is I need to leave. And I need to leave now.

 

 


	2. RE: I Had Sworn, I'd Never Trust Anyone Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title comes from "You Had Me At Hello" by A Day To Remember.  
> Once again, I most certainly do NOT own Kingdom Hearts.  
> Thankyou for reading and please leave a comment or kudos if you like the story, the feedback helps a lot.

I trudge home from school, pulling my hood up around my face in an attempt to shield myself from the oncoming storm. Turgid clouds, rolling against one another menacingly, follow me as I make my way up the precarious metal staircase leading to the apartment I share with my brother. I fumble with pulling my keys from my pocket but eventually my fingers find them.I sigh happily at the little ‘click’ of the lock as I push the heavy door inwards before almost slamming it shut. I shake the cold from my body as I step further into the warmth.  
“Cloud? You home?” I call into the seemingly empty apartment as I take off my old, beaten chucks, shrugging when I receive no response and making my way down the hall to my bedroom.

 

I smile to myself as I drop my heavy backpack onto the floor beside my door, extracting my binder and copy of King Henry before tossing them onto the desk in the corner. I flop down onto the bed, not unlike a fish out of water would flop onto the ground. I pull my phone from my pocket and stare at the screen, it’s too early to start dinner, yet it’s still too late to take a nap. I sigh and run a hand through my unruly spikes, shrugging out of my hoodie as I walk over to my desk. Home is the one place where it doesn’t matter if my arms are covered or not, the only person that’s ever here is Cloud anyway. And he already knows what happened.

 

I sit down at my desk and boot up the ancient PC sitting on it, while I wait for it to load I pick at my nails and glance at my school work. Is it really worth the effort of getting ahead? I shake my head in response to the thought and turn back to the screen of my computer, my nimble fingers making quick work of typing in my password and logging on. I open a messenger app and am surprised to find a new message already waiting for me. I glance at the time display in the corner of the screen, it can’t be Hayner, there’s no way he’s home yet. Curiosity gets the better of me as I open the message, my mind reeling in an attempt to identify the username before me.

 

Akuseru stares out at me from the screen and as I begin reading the message the name makes sense. Axel found me on the internet, great.  
_“Hey Roxy, hope this isn’t too weird but I got Zexion to scope you out. You left pretty quick today and I didn’t get enough of my Roxy fill. Message me back?”_ The familiar heat rises to my cheeks as I read his words, he got his friend to find me online so he could talk to me? I can’t help but feel flattered as I absently look down at my bear arms, I sigh as I notice the mark still red, guess it’s still just me. I stretch my arms above my head, hearing the satisfactory ‘pop’ of my joints before I begin to type a reply.  
_“Hi Firecrotch, it’s not that weird I guess. Just a little unexpected, I’m flattered actually.And what do you mean your Roxy fill?”_ I find that I don’t have to wait for too long as it appears Axel has just been sitting at his own computer, the small speech bubble indicating his typing appears straight away.  
_“Haha sorry about that, but I just wanted to spend more time with you is all.”_ I laugh under my breath at the boy’s reply, shaking my head, why would he want to spend time with me? It doesn’t make sense. I mean it’s not like he likes me back or anything. And he barely knows me to begin with.

 

Just as I begin to reply I hear the front door to the apartment creak open, followed by my brother’s booming voice,   
“Roxas? You home? I bought take out!” I grin to myself, now knowing that I won’t have to cook tonight,  
“Coming!” I call back to him through my closed door before turning back to my screen and typing a quick goodbye to Axel. Which is of course, answered with a pouting emoji and a reluctant goodbye. I shake my head as I log off and make my way down the hallway and towards the kitchen, “smells good Cloud, the usual place?” I reach the kitchen and my brother raises his head from where he was opening the small paper cartons filled with chinese food to nod at me as he grabs some forks from the drawer. We eat in silence for the most part, as we do most nights. Cloud and I only get along so well because of the fact neither of us are too interested in small talk and filling silences. People assume the silence between us would be deafening but it’s more of a comfort than anything, because I know that if I need to talk to him, at least he’ll listen.

 

I make my way over to the sink and dump our forks before placing the leftovers in the fridge, Cloud will probably take them to work or something. I grab the dish brush and make quick work of the dirty forks before drying them and returning to the cutlery drawer. Cloud does the dishes most nights seeing as he can’t cook but I don’t mind cleaning up, it keeps me occupied. I go to head to my room but am stopped as I turn around by Cloud standing right behind me. I seem him looking down at my arm, worry crossing his features.

“What’s his name?” His voice is soft and questioning, the concern evident within the question. I heave a small sigh as I glance down at the line across my arm, Cloud knows about my preference at this point and he really doesn’t care, but I can tell he cares.  
“It doesn’t matter Cloud, it’s just me, so there’s no point in worrying over it.” I gesture to the mark and the fact that it’s still red as I speak and Cloud just looks down at me with those same worrying, mako eyes.   
“Kid, you know I’m just worried about you, and you never know, the marks can change.” Boy, did I know that the marks can change, at first when you get them, it’s just a slight sting, but then, if they change, it feels like you’re being branded like your whole body is on fire. I shrug as I brush past him, heading back down towards my bedroom. I don’t even bother to go back to my computer as I sprawl out across my bed. Yes, the marks can change, but I don’t know if I want it to, at least not yet.

 

I arch my back, stretching the aching muscles before pulling myself up into a seated position. I glance over at the pile of schoolwork sitting on my desk, I may as well do some of it I guess. I walk over to the desk and set myself down in the plush computer chair. I pull my copy of King Henry towards me and open it to the second act, flipping open my binder with my right hand and grabbing a pen to ready myself to take notes. I feel my hand ache and drop my pen as I reach the end of the fourth act, the page before me overflowing with quotes and commentary on the political views within the play.

 

My computer chimes loudly, alerting me of a new message and almost making me jump out of my skin at the unexpected sound. I look up at the screen, planning on ignoring the message before I read the username flashing on my screen. Akuseru, there it is again, that flutter in my chest just from seeing a name on a flat screen.   
_“Hey Roxy, I hope you’re still awake. Sorry, I just wanna talk to you, y’know?”_ I smile at how cute the other boy’s message is. I’m still so confused though, why talk to me? I’m nothing special.  
 _“Hey Axel, yeah I’m still awake. What did you wanna talk about?”_ My heart begins to race I press send on my keyboard, what will he say? Maybe he wants to ask about the weather? Or how I’m finding the school? I hope it’s anything but that. Somehow I don’t think my answer to that particular question would be too favourable.  
 _“I just wanted to talk :) and I still wanna know why you ran from class Roxy.”_ I stare at the screen in disbelief. He’s still on about that? Can’t he just forget that it ever happened like most normal people?

 

I flex my fingers in front of me as I think of what to write. How am I supposed to explain how quickly I left? Sorry it looks like I love you but I don’t even know you? Sorry I’m scared because of how many tally marks you have? Sorry I’m a coward? None of those answers sound as though they’re plausible, nor will they make sense.  
 _“I just really wanted to get home.”_ I reply simply. I feel my breath catch in my throat as I wait patiently whilst the speech bubble signifying Axel’s response appears.  
 _“Really, Roxy? Or is it something else?”_ I smile to myself, glad that this conversation is not happening face to face. It’s easier to lie that way.  
 _“Yeah, really, new school jitters y’know?”_ I reply, mimicking his speech pattern from before.  
 _“Haha Roxy, nice one. But yeah I do know what you mean there.”_ Sometimes it’s a little to easy to lie from behind a computer screen. Too easy to say I’m fine or everything’s going great. But I guess it works.  
 _“I should probably get some sleep, Axel.”_ I push my chair back, bringing myself into a standing position and stretching my legs fully before leaning over the back of the chair.  
 _“Yeah Roxy, I’ll see you tomorrow right?”_ I smile at that, glad in a way that he still wants to see me and speak to me after my flight from English this afternoon.   
_“Yeah, you’ll see me.”_

 _“Goodnight, Roxy :)”_ I laugh a little at the near instantaneous reply from the other boy,  
 _“Goodnight firecrotch.”_ I log my computer off and stack my school work in a neat pile on the edge of the desk before removing my shirt and shucking my jeans off into a corner.

 

I pull the bed covers back before turning out the light, smiling to myself all the while. I snuggle into the warmth and wait for sleep to take me. As I fall asleep thoughts of Axel plague my mind, the way the corner of his mouth quirks just slightly as he smirks. The strength with which he grabbed me and pulled me toward him in the cafeteria today. Then I think of his marks, the way they litter his arms, tally marks both red and black all over him, why would I fall for him? It’s not like he’ll want me anyway.

 

 


	3. The Only Friend That Makes You Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's name comes from "Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back" by My Chemical Romance.  
> Once again I don't own Kingdom Hearts.  
> Please enjoy and maybe even give me a kudos or some feedback?  
> Thanks guys!

The day passes me by in a seemingly endless blur. I know I’m avoiding him. Why else would I be hiding out between the stadium and the parking lot during lunch? I can’t help it. I want to see him. I know I do. But I doubt that he wants to see me. Despite his talking to me last night, I can’t help but think about him as more than a friend. I want to be more. I want him to want me to be more. But I know that that’s not the case. Maybe he falls in love easily, or maybe he’s just loved a lot of people. But clearly I’m not one of them. I sigh helplessly as I gingerly push my sleeve up my forearm, revealing the still red mark. My chest heaves at the sight. Why am I doing this to myself? I already know that it isn’t going to change, so why do I keep hoping that it will? 

Footsteps coming toward me push me back from my thoughts as I hastily bring my sleeve back down and over my hands. Looking to the side just in time to see worn, black leather boots stop beside me. I look up into Axel’s piercing green eyes, but this time, they’re more like flames, full of hurt and anger. “Are you avoiding me Roxas?” His voice comes out terse but there’s something behind it, hurt? Fear? I’m not sure. I don’t trust my voice so I simply shake my head in an attempt to deny that I was indeed avoiding my flame haired companion. I hear him sigh and the jangling of multiple belts as he lowers himself to sit beside me, “come on Roxas, tell the truth.” I look away from the boy, taking a deep breath, I can’t lie to him, but how hurt will he be? “Is it because of me?” He asks and I have to turn to face him, the anger in his eyes is now just replaced by even more hurt, I shake my head furiously, “no Axel, it’s not you, really.” The taller boy simply clucks his tongue and chuckles a dark laugh, “Roxy, it’s always me, tell me the truth.” I shake my head at him again, rising to my knees and grabbing his shoulders. “It. Is. Not. You. I just needed some time alone, okay? It’s just me, I’m not used to having a..” I trail off, what are we? Are we friends? Acquaintances? Companions? I pull my thoughts to a screeching halt as a part of my brain cries out.. Lovers. 

“Friend? You’ve never had a friend before Roxy?” Axel finishes for me and I simply sigh and lower my head, looking away, “hey, it’s okay, I don’t have many friends either buddy.” He laughs a little, trying to ease the tension and I just look at him and try to muster a smile. “Say, what are you doing tonight Blondie?” I stare at the older boy, “Blondie? Really?” He laughs and nods his head, “well yeah, I can’t call you Roxy all the time, gotta switch things up.” I just laugh as I shake my head at the older boy, he’s so ridiculous. “So, are you doing anything?” A part of me wants the tone in his voice to be hope but the other part knows he’s just being a good friend, “no, I’m not actually.” He grins at me, his eyes shining like a puppy whose owner just arrived home, “good.” He replies, “you can come to mine and stay for dinner, sound okay?” I simply nod at the older boy as any words I was going to say are drowned by the bell. “I’ll meet you in the lot after school?” I smile and nod in reply as Axel hauls himself up, offering me his hand, and as I take it, I feel electricity run between his fingers and mine. Maybe I can be close to him as his friend. That would be enough for me. 

My throat closes as the bell rings out a shrill cry to signal the ending of the school day. I feel my heart racing in my chest, pressing against my ribcage as though it’s trying to burst out of my chest as I retrieve my belongings from my locker. I jolt with a start when someone else closes my locker door for me, only to have relief wash over me as I look up and realise that it’s Axel standing beside me, “couldn’t stay away huh?” I ask him, internally cursing myself for my not so subtle ways. Axel just grins down at me, “yeah, something like that.” I just smile at him as I sling one of the straps of my bag over my left shoulder, following him down the hall and toward the back entrance which opens out onto the student lot. 

We drive to Axel’s place in relative silence. It’s nice, he reminds me of Cloud in a lot of ways, mostly that I don’t feel the need to keep a conversation going, and neither does he, we can just enjoy each others company with no need for idle small talk. I watch him as he drives, the way his arms flex just so as he turns a corner, the way his hands will tighten and then go slack on the steering wheel periodically. The way his Adam’s apple bobs as he hums along with whatever song is playing in the car. It’s nice, to just watch him, “liking the view?” I stare up at Axel as the words leave his lips in a smooth tone that cuts through me, “n-no, watch the road dork.” I retort as quickly as I can and Axel just throws his head back and laughs at me, “nice save Roxy.” He replies before turning his attention back to the task at hand and saving me from further embarrassment. 

I feel my embarrassment subside a little as we pull up in front of a row of townhouses, all painted in a pale blue colour, some peeling more so than others, but with neat well kempt gardens in front of them. I smile at the exterior. I never would have expected Axel to live somewhere so, dare I say, cute? It’s my turn to laugh at Axel’s embarrassment as he rubs at the back of his neck, “um, yeah, it’s just my dad and I, but he won’t be home for a little longer.” I nod at the older boy, “that’s okay, I get what you mean, it’s just my brother and I at home.” I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth as Axel looks at me, “your parents?” He leaves the words suspended, a question that doesn’t need to be answered, “they’re not dead, Cloud and I just, left is all.” He nods his head and doesn’t ask any further, for which I’m grateful as he leads me up the small walk towards the front of the first townhouse. “Well, this is it, home sweet home.” He says as he unlocks the door and pushes it open, stepping in and motioning for me to follow.

And then, all of sudden, there he is. A strange boy with bright blue hair and piercing golden eyes, his tanned arms wrapped around Axel’s waist as he claims the redheads mouth for his own. I drop my backpack in shock as Axel lets out a semi-shocked sound as his lips are assaulted and I stand in the doorway dumbfounded. I feel tears pricking at my eyes and turn on my heels, running out the door and back down the walk. As my feet slap against the concrete footpath, the slap from the rubber soles of my shoes echoing around me as I run in the direction of home, I can’t help but realise how stupid I was. By the time I make it home, my eyes are puffy and stinging and my breaths are coming in short quick pants and I don’t even care as I push open the front door, running past Cloud, sitting in the living room and staring at me with those concerned parents eyes. I throw myself down onto my bed, burying my face in my pillow in an attempt to hide my cries. I hear Cloud knock on the door, a muffled “you okay Rox?” coming through, I push myself up, “I’m fine Cloud.” I reply hoarsely, my throat hurting from the strain. I feel the exhaustion hit me and allow myself to cry some more until sleep overcomes me. He’s the only “friend” that’s ever made me cry.


	4. If You Notice This Notice, You'll Notice This Notice Is Kind Of Worth Noticing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update on my life is all.

Hey there!   
So I would like to apologise for the lack of activity with this, it is something I am dying to work on more,  
which is why this message is here.  
I'm currently doing my HSC and have been swamped with assignments and exams.  
BUT as my work load lessens I will be updating this and maybe even going back over and rewriting parts   
of these first few chapters.  
I am so sorry I haven't given any explanation from my pretty much disappearance but here it is.   
Once again I'm so sorry and if you like the story please bear with me that would be great.   
Cheers,  
Taylah (Up_In_Flames) xx


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